Me. Just back.

I considered writing this post as though the 3 months that have passed since my last post never happened. Just pick up where I left off. But then I read my last post, and I realized that would be impossible with my “left off” subject being racquetball. I also realized I write a lot of fragmented sentences. Style, dear reader. (See? I did it again, only this time it was intentional.)

Although I haven’t been focusing on particular features to improve every week, and I obviously haven’t worried about blogging about it, I have become a better Elle. Let me catch you up:

1. My Spanish class is finished. Just writing that sentence makes a little warm tingly in my gut, like there’s a little furry happy bot in my belly…I’m going to stop here. That was just weird. But, for realsies – this is a huge accomplishment (for which I owe Kimberly great gratitude).

2. I am exercising. It’s hard to believe, but I’m training for a 5K coming up in August. And I’m happy to report that the pants I retired at the beginning of this year have been retrieved from the top of my closet. A thinner Elle is a healthier Elle.

3. My environment is cleaner and more organized! And I didn’t have to clean anything! I actually just moved into our guest room in the basement. The original reason was because it’s so blasted hot in my room, but one of the perks has definitely been how sullied this room isn’t by all my crap. I’m dreading the day I have to return to that pit of material despair.

I think that’s all worth blogging about. Tomorrow starts a new week, and this week will be “Elle’s Last Week was Crazy and This Self-Improvement Gig Will Respect Her Need for a Break” week. I have a lot of people to see this week (including an Enchanted evening…more to come with maybe pictures). A lot of events to go to. A lot of editing to get done. And this all culminates to a grand trip to see my dear friend Katie again. It’s been months since I’ve seen her, and I’m going to treat this weekend like a mini-vacation.

Welcome back, me.

Me. Just malapropos.

I feel ironic tonight, but I’m afraid to elaborate. Alanis Morissette really screwed my up with her song on the subject. And how many times have I said, “That’s ironic!” just to have someone else correct me. “No, it’s not. It’s a coincident.” Well, fine. Aren’t we just the most intelligent. I’m going to throw caution to the wind, however, and explain my emotion of irony…and I know. Irony isn’t an emotion. Chill.

Last night, I was surprised to find that week 2 of my Elle Improved project had flitted by me. Like a fairy. Only the fairy had run out of magic dust…I don’t know where this illustration is going. Please, pretend it was engaging.

Because Sunday came so quickly, I chose my focus for this week as I wrote my post. And today, on day 1 of week 3, I find myself with more focuses than I intended!

I started my new job. That takes some focus. Kimberly lent me her Financial Peace University cd’s so I can more efficiently join the Dave Ramsey bandwagon (which happens to also be the “I have a future” bandwagon). And I was overwhelmed by the need to schedule out my entire day tomorrow on a little white board, complete with meals, Bible readings, and a motivational sentence. “Live your day on purpose! Let’s see how that feels!”

Just last night I was at a loss for what to do with my week. And tonight I wonder if I have too much to do. And that’s why I feel ironic. Or coincidental…or whatever.

Me. Just caught flat-footed.

Two questions:

1. When did it become Sunday?

2. What the crap am I going to do next week?

Needless to say, I am completely unprepared for next week’s focus. My weekend was so busy and full of “I’m quitting” joyfulness that I haven’t had time to sit and think about what my next self-improvement project will be. Here are my options:

– Spanish: Spend two hours each night on homework. Also, make bean burritos and enchiladas.

– Website: Spend two hours each night on my website, making it entirely feasible to have it up and running by the end of the week.

– Budget: Work up a weekly budget (should be way easier now that I have set hours) and start saving…yada yada.

– Environment: Work on making and maintaining the kind of environment that will help me live the kind of life I want to (things like organizing my room, cleaning my car *gasp!*, and even emptying my purse).

I’m leaning towards the first option, since that is the most time-sensitive and is at the top of my priority list. It will, after all, determine whether or not I graduate this May. And I would so love to graduate. And so, I do believe we have a winner! This next week will be dedicated to the completion of my Spanish class. Tomorrow will be my designated “Elle’s Fine – Just Chill” day (especially since I’ll be focusing on my first day of my new job), but Tuesday will begin the vigorous study!

And two words to sum up this past week: I win.

Peace.

Me. Just narrating.

I am very impressed with me. I’ve “read” almost two books this week. And by “read” I mean “listened to.” God bless the person who thought of audiobooks. In a day like this, there are so many tasks that are mindless and could be made useful if we could just read while we do them.

Like today – when I spent nearly 4 and a half hours in my car. I needed only to spend 2 and a half, because that’s how long it takes a normal person to get from point A to point B (point A being my friend’s apartment, point B being my home). If you are directionally challenged, like myself, you are at the mercy of your GPS (we lovingly call ours Money Penny) or the guy at the gas station. In this case, I pitched the GPS because I don’t trust it and stopped to ask for directions.

“I’m so lost!” I exclaimed to the young guy behind the counter. He looked a bit flustered. My sunglasses had been hinged upwards to sweep my hair out of my face. If I learned one thing from my mother as a child (and I learned many) it was to always take off your sunglasses. Need to make a turn in traffic? Take off your sunglasses – let those men see your eyes. Want help getting large items out of your car? Take off your sunglasses. Need directions? You get the idea.

“Where are you going?”

As I told him, a queue (that’s a fun word!) formed behind me. I turned and apologized with my sunglassless eyes to the two men. One looked unimpressed. He, obviously, was acquainted with females and our charms.

“Well…” stumbled the clerk boy. “You want to go down this road. I can’t remember what it’s called…”

“Wait. I know where you need to go.” Interrupted the first guy behind me. He quickly paid for his junk food and walked outside with me.

“You want to take this road to the first light. Take a left. Go to the next light. Take a right. And then take that road all the way to your home town! I do it all the time.” He sounded so sure. I trusted him because I’m young and naive! I had used the sunglass trick – surely the man could not lie!

Well, now I’m hyperbolizing a bit. He didn’t lie to me, but he did give me some bogus directions. I went over an hour out of my way. His way led me to home, though, so for that I am grateful. And it did give me the chance to listen to more of The Spellman Files. It was a lovely day for a ride and a good book.

Me. Just visiting.

I am just awesome. No, really – even Improved Elle couldn’t have done better. Yesterday, I drove to a far away city where my dearest Katie lives, snuck into her apartment (her fault…she gave me the key), cleaned it, and waited for her to return from her trip to Seattle. Needless to say, we are having the most delightful two days together!

The almost 3 hour road trip gave me ample time to really dive into this whole “I’m literate” deal. I knew that I would finish Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom about an hour into the trip (highly recommend it, by the way), so I ran over to Bargain Books before I left to see what I could get for cheap. I picked up a book called The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. Honestly, it was slim pickin’s at Bargain Books, but I am extremely pleased with my decision. I usually don’t enjoy novels written today, but this is just good fun. A wonderful pick for my journey to become better-read.

My 3 articles a day idea has been a flop. When I’m online, I’d much rather read my friend’s tweets or write my own blog posts than read a long, arduous article. Enter slate.com – my ignorance savior! They even had a delightful article about the sappy words used in the Olympics. You can read about that here. Not the most newsworthy subject, but I did read about the differences in the disasters of Haiti and Chile.

‘Nuff said. Gotta play with the bestie. I’m out.

Me. Just literate.

I love to read…in theory. As a child, I enjoyed the occasional story, especially if there were pictures involved (I like art, ok?). Then, my 4th grade teacher had an inspired idea. “I should make my students read 30 books in one year!” Brilliant, Miss C…Ch…gah! I can’t remember her name. I’m officially old. Anyways, my teacher had discovered the most effective way to suck the fun out of reading for a child.

It wasn’t until high school that Jane Austen helped me rediscover the joy of delving into a story. I read all I could: Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, Eight Cousins, Harry Potter, etc. And then I went to Bible college. And that’s where I discovered the most effective way to suck the fun out of reading. Commentaries. I love Jesus. I love the Bible. I very much dislike commentaries. And I almost failed a class because of my stubborn refusal to do all the reading the crazy man assigned (and by crazy I mean brilliant…the man was just wicked smart…probably because he read all that stuff he assigned). Thankfully, I aced the final exam.

All of this to say – I haven’t read a book in a really really long time. Other than Twilight, but that’s not literature. That’s girl porn.

And so, this week I will focus on becoming more well-read. Here’s the plan of attack:

1. Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom on audio – The author (yes…the man himself) is coming to speak at my church in two weeks, so I figure it’s a good idea to read the book. Also, I’m producing a video for the week afterwards based on excerpts from the book. I consider this research. And I have it on audio, so I can listen in my car.

2. News – Every day I will read three articles from a reputable news source. Entertainment news will be considered extra-curricular.

3. The Me I Want To Be by John Ortberg – I got this book a few weeks ago and it is fast collecting dust on my shelf. I will start it and read a little each day.

4. Don’t push it – I will not force myself to read more than I want to. Otherwise, I’ve turned into my 4th grade teacher. The point is to rekindle my relationship with the written word. Not resurrect the genuine hatred I’ve hidden in my heart for so long.

Week 2 starts tomorrow. Oh…wait. No, that’s ok. Tomorrow’s legit in this case. Tomorrow!

Me. Just refreshed.

My first week as a better Elle is coming to a close. When I told a friend about my new project, she made a very keen observation. “A week isn’t very long to change something about yourself.” This is true, but I won’t be ending my journey of better time management on Monday. It will continue along with the new focus of that week. And what will next week’s focus be? I’ll write about that tomorrow.

8:00 am Is Silly Day was almost a failure. My sister, who had not read yesterday’s post, burst into my room around 9:30. “Wait…I thought you were getting up at 8:00.”

“It’s 8:00 am Is Silly Day. I hate you.” I mumbled.

And so, I rolled reluctantly out of bed and ate a donut. It was pretty delicious. At about 11:00, I rolled back into bed and slept until almost 2:00. And that means that 8:00 am Is Silly Day was a smashing success!

That also means that I don’t have much to say about a better Elle. Except that maybe taking a break from self-improvement needs to be a part of the process. I’ll take that under consideration, De Facto Elle. Even if  it’s just a ploy for laziness.

Me. Just pantless.

Tonight, I may be a bit drained. Not emotionally or physically, but articulately. I used my quota of articulateness earlier during a 2 hour interview for a part time job. Nevertheless, I will attempt to reflect on my day and decide whether or not I am due some back-patting.

My interview was at 10:00 am, which gave me the perfect opportunity to practice waking up at 8:00 am even if I technically could have slept until 8:30. And I’m really glad I did, because I couldn’t find my pants. Instead of spending my extra time calmly preparing, I ran about the house being particularly crabby to my mom and sister.

“I need socks.” I said.

“Where are the ones I gave you a few days ago?”

“In my car.”

This is the part where my mom breathed that mom-breath. The kind that means, “I want to scold you severely, and maybe I will…I have to think about it.”

“I’m sorry I’m being so short,” I exclaimed, “but now is not the time to get mad at me for leaving your socks in my car!” Really, mama. Socks in my car were the least of my worries. I had no pants.

The interview was the best ever (or at least really good, considering I got the job). I didn’t arrive ten minutes early to the interview, but I turn a blind eye to this fact. I’m just glad I had pants. Therefore, I pat my back once and thank God for surprise pants that hide in the back of the closet.

I declare tomorrow 8:00 am Is Silly Day, as most Saturdays will be, and will sleep in as long as I want. So there.

Me. Just PMS-ing.

Today was a great success. I accomplished my goals and made good choices:

Up by 8:00 am – Check! In fact, I was up at 7:30.

Spent time with God before my day had a chance to get the worst out of me – Check!

At work ten minutes early – Try 15.

Cup of coffee from Gloria Jean’s – I’m fairly sure this was the only goal not in danger of being unaccomplished.

I even managed to get a whole Spanish lesson done in one sitting.

Then why do I feel like an absolute failure? Every “i” was dotted. I even threw in a couple extra dots for good measure. And here I sit: depressed, over-caffeinated, a little disgusting (it’s hard to shower with an open wound), and confused. I should be celebrating all the good things I did in the last 15 hours, but instead I am worrying over all the parts I haven’t gotten to yet.

WHY am I just a little bit pudgy?

WHAT am I going to do now that I’ve committed to a year of invisible braces and can’t move away from this frozen tundra?

WHEN will I actually go out? With a boy. On a date. Where I eat food. And get to actually talk.

HOW will I ever escape Picture People? And when will the children of the world stop screaming in my ear?

What’s most repulsive about all of this is that I’m spoiled. Let’s recap:

WHY am I so well fed?

WHAT am I going to do now that my parents have committed to paying for me to have an attractive smile?

WHEN will I actually go out? With a boy. On a date. Where I eat food. And get to actually talk. (This one’s actually pretty accurate.)

HOW will I ever get out of the job I’m lucky enough to have? Where I make money. And a difference in people lives…kind of.

I need to calm down and celebrate the little victories of today. Just doing the things I said I would is a step in the right direction, and worthy of praise! Good job, me. And tomorrow, we’ll do it again. AND we’ll have an interview for a new part time job. Maybe I will escape Picture People!

We’ll get to the rest all in good time. Well done today, De Facto Elle. Nay, Semi-Improved Elle.

Me. Just bleeding.

Last night, after I finished my inspiring first post, I managed to rip open a scar. I had just gotten the stitches taken out a few hours before, and now I lay open and bleeding and whining very loudly. Instead of spending some quality time with my treadmill as intended, I spent some quality time with an oversized band-aid and twitter.

One of the changes I will be implementing to make a better Elle, however, will not be hindered by my accident. In fact, it actually helped. You see, I’m somewhat of a night owl. For years now, I stay up into the wee hours of the morn and then sleep as hard as I can for as long as I can. And while this is a very nice setup for me, I can’t help but think that De Facto Elle is missing out.

I have a good friend that insists morning is “a beautiful time of day,” or something. Yada yada. “You should wake with the sun rising. It’s wonderful to witness!” Well, Daniel, you know what else is wonderful to witness? The same thing hours later in reverse. That, however, is the old, unpleasant Elle that I’ll have to beat into submission. I will wake with the sun (at least in the winter) and I will be in bed by a decent hour! The plan is in bed by 10 or 11 at night, and up by 8am.

And how does my unfortunate accident help this? Last night, I couldn’t stand the thought of what I had done to myself for very long, so I took refuge in the unconsciousness of sleep. And this morning, I was so uncomfortable with having to sleep in the one safe position I could,  I was up by 8:10. And so, meet Elle Improved: Day 2!